Wedding Guest Sticker Shock? Here's Help.

Have you been to a bachelorette or bachelor party lately? If not, you might be in for a surprise the next time you're invited. That's because the amount of money you have to shell out can really set you back if you're not prepared. Here's an example. Recently, my soon to be nephew-in-law went to a bachelor party in Las Vegas. They lived large: fancy restaurants, high-priced hotel, cabana services, private yoga instructors. Only the best. Can you guess how much it cost him? $4,000! And now he's working for a food delivery service to make up for it.

This is just one wedding, so what happens when you're invited to six or eight weddings in a year? Even if you're not in the wedding party or invited to the bachelorette party, when you consider the cost of clothes, gifts, and possible travel, being a wedding guest can be an expensive experience.

The average cost for attending a wedding in your hometown without lodging can be upwards of $250, according to a 2023 Guest Study by The Knot Wedding Magazine. An out-of-town wedding can run close to $700; destination weddings up to $1,600. And these are just averages. Your own costs could even be higher if you have to fly somewhere or stay at an expensive resort destination.

So what can you do if you have several friends who want you to celebrate with them? Plan ahead.

Before we get into what to do, let me strongly suggest what not to do: Don't get yourself into credit card debt. It can happen really quickly—$1,000 here, $1,000 there—and pretty soon you owe $10,000. If you can't pay off your balance at the end of each month, you could be caught in a cycle of paying high interest charges and getting deeper in debt.

So to help you enjoy the party without the financial pain, here are five things to consider doing instead:

1. Make wedding guest costs part of your overall budget. If you know this will be a big wedding year, come up with an amount you can set aside each month especially for these events. Financial planning is about trade-offs, so decide in advance what you might have to give up to stay on the guest list—and out of debt.
2. Split gifts. If you can't find a gift within your price range, reach out to other friends who might be willing to go in together on something larger. It could be a win for everyone, including the bride and groom.
3. Shop in your closet. It's tempting to think you need a new outfit for every wedding. But think again. You're not the bride or groom. Chances are you already have something that's totally appropriate. Be creative and no one will notice if you wear the same thing twice. And they probably won't care anyway.
4. Use points for travel and lodging. Here's where your credit card can actually help you. Make the most of points you have, or if you're considering a new credit card, choose one that will reward you the most with the type of points you'll want to use. Many new credit cards offer generous bonuses, so do your research and maximize your options. However, be careful not to get caught up in accepting too many credit card offers. Your credit is a valuable asset to use wisely. Last but not least, if the hotel recommended for the event is out of your reach, there's no harm in choosing a less expensive one down the street.
5. Send your regrets. If you can't make it work, tell your friends honestly that it's beyond your means. Many years ago, I just couldn't afford to go to a good friend's wedding. I was embarrassed to tell her why, and she was hurt that I didn't go. It was only later that I told her the truth and she completely understood. She only wished I had told her at the time so we could have worked something out.

When it comes to our friends and special occasions like weddings, it's natural to want to be part of it all. But sometimes, you have to put yourself first. However, that doesn't mean you're being selfish. You can still let your friends know how important this occasion is to you by saying something like, "I know your wedding will be amazing and I'd love to be there, but my budget just won't allow it. Let's plan to celebrate together at a later date."

We all have different goals and priorities, and your friends should understand and be proud of you for not putting yourself in financial difficulty if their wedding is really beyond your means.

One way to put yourself first is to focus on saving. In your 20s and 30s, time is your biggest asset. If you save and manage your money thoughtfully now, you'll have a lot more choices later. Here are some saving ideas to help you. You might want to share them with your friends.

Start here:

• Determine and stick to your spending plan.
• Contribute to your retirement. If you have an employer sponsored plan, contribute at least the minimum to get the full match. Or if you don't have an employer sponsored plan, contribute to a Roth or Traditional IRA.
• Create a plan to pay off nondeductible, high-interest-rate debt—like credit cards.
• Build an emergency fund to cover at least three to six months of essential living expenses.
• Contribute to other tax-advantaged retirement accounts.

Then focus on major long-term goals:

• Save for a child's education.
• Save for the down payment on a home.

Take the next steps:

• Pay down deductible, high-rate debt.
• Start—and keep—investing.

Keep in mind when you invest that market ups and downs are normal. Think long-term, and don't let your emotions take over. Always remember, time in the market is more important than trying to time the market.

Your friendships are important but so is your financial well-being. With some thoughtful planning, an honest assessment of what you can truly afford, and healthy and respectful communication, it's possible to balance both.